Fear can hold us back from opportunities, growth, and even everyday joy. In this post, Denise Rabor shares her wisdom on how to overcome fear, break free from self-sabotage, and take small steps forward with courage.

Why Fear Holds Us Back

Fear is something that affects every one of us in one way or another every day – and it’s natural, normal and nothing to be ashamed of. With that said, I think it’s important to point out that statistically, women are more prone to fear than men in as much as we are more likely to allow our fears to keep us tied to our comfort zone. Now, don’t get me wrong, a comfort zone is not a bad thing and at times it’s just where we need to be for stability and respite, and I’m sure we can all relate to that.

The thing is that fear is powerful and it can evolve from a fleeting emotion to something more limiting, especially when it moves away from being your every day “of the moment fear” into the kind of fear that keeps us stuck. When fear takes control we can find ourselves unable to make changes in our lives and break free from old stories and patterns, unable to take that advantage of opportunities that we’ve probably dreamt of and yet when they appear our fears prevent us from grabbing them – so we say stuck which can lead to stress and anxiety as our inner dialogue becomes increasingly fraught.

Interestingly a lot of this fear stems from feelings of: low self esteem, lack of confidence and feeling inadequate, of not being enough, and the self-sabotaging behaviour that manifests from this isn’t always something that we are even aware of.

We can find ourselves worrying about all of the things that could go wrong.

Okay let’s take a moment to think about how fear manifests in your life… It’s usually through self-sabotaging behaviours like:

Procrastination

Procrastination is a way of managing our fear of failure or indeed your fear of success : those times where you delay the realisation of your goals..it can look like failing to manage your time so you end up rushing to do things at the last minute all stressed, flustered and annoyed.

Poor time management

Failing to meet deadlines and other things that allow you to bring your best self forward. Not switching off your devices and laying down to rest before midnight when you know full well that helps you to get up in earlier & to perform better when you’re well-rested…

Breaking Free From Self-Sabotage

The list of self-sabotaging behaviours that we indulge in because of our fears is endless. The thing is that sometimes we’re not even fully aware of our fears.

So how can we start to manage this and move forward in spite of our fears?

One step at a time – inch by inch with kindness…. remember that it takes time to create change. Ultimately it’s not about being fearless it’s about being able to fear ‘less’.

  1. Take some time to reflect on your fears. Take the one that bugs you the most and ask yourself this: what is the worst that could happen if I do …… [ fill in whatever it is]
  2. Make an honest list of your 5 top self sabotaging behaviours ( examples are at the bottom)
  3. Sit down with a sheet of paper or notebook and make a list of things that you’ve missed out on over the last 3 months out of fear or self-sabotage.
  4. Now pick one behaviour that you’re going to work on: the idea is that you’ll work on it for the next 21 days. Make a list of the positive ways in which you can manage this particular behaviour, so for example if you’re working on lateness due to ‘lastminute.comitis’ then your list might include:
  • Listing in order of priority the things that you have to do each morning
  • Deciding to do a brain dump every evening of things that you need to get done, putting them in order of priority
  • Creating a timed schedule for the 1st couple of hours of your day.
  • Try asking yourself – what steps do I have to take in order to get to my destination on time? Eg. Have my clothes ready, make my smoothie, book my Uber… avoid looking at emails or social media 1st thing or you’ll get sucked into the vortex.

Whichever behaviour you choose to work on for the next 21 days ….be honest with yourself and commit to the change….you can do this.

Denise Rabor

Updated 2nd September 2025